Today, I start writing my first ever blog. I have been thinking about blogging for a while now, but finally, on this Monday afternoon in December, I have written some actual words.
In March, my life changed forever. I gave birth to Aidan, 6lb 1oz of tiny, beautiful, screaming person. Parenthood has been a huge shock to me, wonderful and terrifying in equal measure. I was never prepared to be this exhausted, or to be this much in love.
Now, I think I am recovering from that shell-shocked, rabbit-in-headlights, what-the hell-am-I- doing new mum phase. I am about to go back to work, and Aidan will go to nursery. I feel confident as a mum now, but I feel I have lost my way as just “me.” So, this blog is part of “Project Me.”
Before I got pregnant, I knew who I was, I knew what I wanted, and I did things just for myself. I lost 7 stone through pure bloody mindedness. I was a qualified chartered accountant by 24. I ran 10 miles every weekend, drove a sports car, and got married in the Caribbean. Life was sweet, and then, out of nowhere, came this little voice in my head… “Have a baby. Go on. you know you want to…” it whispered. After not very long at all, I gave in.
So, the question is, who am I now? Will being a part time accountant make me feel like a part time mum? Can I have a decent marriage , be a good mother, and find time for myself? Can I get fit again too, and not crack up under the strain of trying to have it all?
Maybe I am asking too much of myself. I don’t know what will happen next, but I can’t wait to find out.