Ah, Christmas. Parties, food and drink aplenty. Except, I don’t drink. I haven’t done for years. So, at this time of year, I get a lot of puzzled looks. Utter bafflement from most people, in fact. “But, you can have just one if you’re driving?” “Get a taxi?” “But….why????”
It’s fine! I am not a recovering alcoholic. I just don’t fancy it much any more. Here’s why…
1. I am a shit drunk. A puker. Every time I get drunk, I puke. It’s gross. I don’t have a moderation switch, I am sober, or wankered. If I’m wankered, I am vomiting. It’s not a good look.
2. I don’t like wine (*cue gasps!*) I have drunk wine for years, waiting for my taste buds to mature, like people grow to love blue cheese, or olives. It’s never happened, and I have finally admitted to myself that I actually don’t like the taste. I feel like a bit of an uncultured cave dweller admitting this, but there it is. Saying that, I do still like a very occasional beer or cocktail, but they just don’t do it for me like a great cup of tea does!
3. Oh, the calories. I first got out of the habit of drinking in 2007 when I was really in the zone and watching what I was eating. There just wasn’t room in my Weightwatchers points tracker for it. It was booze or cake. Cake won.
4. I’m actually rather comfortable in my own skin. I can go out for a night on the Diet Coke, and have a chat and a dance and not feel like I’m missing out. In my teens and early twenties, I felt like a moron dancing when I was too sober. Now I couldn’t give a monkeys. Stare all you like, I know I dance like a giant, clumsy fool. I am fine with that.
5. I am a firm believer that you should always leave a party while you are still having a great time, before it starts to wind down, or even descends into chaos. Nothing good ever happens after 2am. I like to have my car on standby so I can judge the correct moment and flee on a high.
So, the answer is tea. And if they served tea in nightclubs, I would spend much more time there. I could dance around my Venti Chai, and leave at 2 like a slightly weird Cinderella, with my make up still done, and no vomit on my shoes. Awesome.